Grief & Loss: Twelve Ways to Help
- Offer opportunities to talk about death and loss as they experience it in everyday life.
- Include youth in rituals whenever possible and appropriate.
- Share your expressions of sadness and pain.
- Be available to listen.
- Pay attention to a youth’s behavior and let them know when you notice a change.
- Answer all questions about death and loss as honestly as possible.
- Be willing to wonder and explore answers to their questions.
- Face your own feelings of grief.
- Do not isolate or insulate young people from grief. Remember grief is normal.
- Continue to expect a young person to function. Be firm, yet gentle and kind.
- Find help for youth who need it. Refer to support groups or counseling as needed.
- Continue to be available over time Remember grief will be revisited throughout their lives. Reach out and continue to care, just as you are now!
Finding the Right Words
- I am sorry for your pain.
- I am sorry about ’s death, and I’d like to help in any way I can.
- I am here for you whenever you need me.
- I can’t know how you feel, but I want to help you in any way I can.
Expressions to Avoid
- I understand/know how you feel.
- Move on — get over it.
- You must be over it by now.
- You’re doing such a wonderful job!
- It could be worse, you still have ….
- You’ll be strong because of this.
- ________ is in a better place.
SOURCE: The Consortium on Trauma, Illnesss and Grief in Schools.
Adapted from Laura Bray Harting, CSW (1995), The Center of Living with Loss.